Coaching Conversations & Chocolate ~ Tuesday, November 25th
This week at Coaching Conversations & Chocolate we discussed the topic “Help for the Holidays: Setting Healthy Boundaries & Standards” and shared chocolate chip cookies (dipped in chocolate of course…).
We started our conversation by writing down our own thoughts about why the title of this evening caught our attention. For some of us it was a specific situation we were dealing with ( like “I have this crazy aunt and I have no idea how to deal with her comments…”) and for others it was their curiosity for learning what exactly are boundaries and standards.
What are your thoughts? What about this topic speaks to you?
A boundary is where one thing ends and another begins.
Personal boundaries are about what others can and can’t say to us, do to us or expect of us.
They are the lines we draw around ourselves that we believe should not be crossed by other people. Personal boundaries are there to protect us. They are words, actions and deeds that we find acceptable or unacceptable when they are addressed to us. Our boundaries define who we are, what we stand for, and how we view our place in the world. Some of our boundaries are steadfast, yet others are easily crossed.
Our personal boundaries can be “healthy” or they can be too tight or too loose. For instance, let’s say I chose to take time for myself each morning to go to the gym and my husband is in agreement that he will take our daughter to school Monday through Friday. If my husband asked me to take my daughter to school during that time and I insisted that it was my time to go to the gym and he would have to figure something else out, then my boundaries would be too tight obviously.
If on the other hand he asked me to take our daughter to school during that time and I agree to it for that day my boundary would be considered healthy. If he thencontinued to expect me to do that every day, and I did it, then my boundaries would be too loose.
So while boundaries are what others can and can’t do, say and expect of us standards are what we expect of ourselves.
An example of a healthy standard might be that I want to keep my house clean. A standard that is way too high might look like me vacuuming and dusting my house every day and requiring everyone who lives there to constantly clean as well. On the other hand if I never cleaned it at all and expected the house to remain a mess, my standards would obviously be too low.
Here are some of the questions we reflected on together:
“Why is it important to enforce boundries?”
“What happens when we don’t have strong boundaries to begin with?”
“Why don’t we set clear boundaries all the time?”
And the question that really hit home was “Can we set clear boundaries and still be considered kind?”
The women in our community that night shared some beautiful answers to these questions, you can read them on the recent blog “It’s All About Respect”
We also had a good time talking about how to set a firm boundary (Akido style using the “sidestep” or the “block”) for a family friend or relative who …
…is nosy and consistently asks inappropriate questions.
…is a constant complainer.
…think they know what is best for you and tell you how you need to live your life.
…like to gossip.
…make you wrong or is critical.
You can find the answers to these questions on our blog “What Aikido and setting boundaries have in common”. As always we invite you to join the conversation and leave a comment on our blog.
Join us next week for “Fondue Part 2″ ~ a continuation of our opening night fondue party event, and a fun celebration for the holiday season!
Community Chocolate…connection is sweet.
“TED Talk & Chocolate” ~ Tuesday, November 18th
This week at “TED Talk & Chocolate” we watched Brene Brown’s “The Power of Vulnerability” while enjoying some warm chocolate fondue and a few chocolate cupcakes too !
In her talk Brene spoke about the “Wholehearted” – people who live from a deep sense of worthiness. She shared that these “wholehearted people” have several things in common:
Courage, compassion, connection and a willingness to be vulnerable.
Check out this weeks blog posts (Being Compassionate with Ourselves, and more to come…) for tips, stories and strategies that the women in our community shared at “TED Talk & Chocolate”. We’d love to hear your tips, stories and strategies too!
You can watch Brene’s TED talk here
Courage – they have a willingness to tell the story of who they are with their whole heart and the courage to be imperfect.
1. Can you think of a time when you practiced courage? How did it feel and how did it impact those around you?
Compassion – they are able to be kind to themselves and from there, to others
2.How can we practice being compassionate to ourselves? 3. Whom do you reach out to for compassion and who reaches out to you for compassion as well?
Connection – they have connection as a result of authenticity. They are willing to let go of who they should be in order to be who they are.
4. What are some ways we can practice living authentically? What kind of things might get in the way?
Vulnerability – they have a willingness to go where there are no guarantees.
Brene shares “While vulnerability is at the core of shame and fear and our struggle for worthiness, it is also the birthplace of joy, creativity, and of love.”
5. Have you found this to be true for you? If so, how does it show up for you in your life?
Join us next week for ” Coaching Conversations & Chocolate”.
Community Chocolate…connection is sweet
Our Grand Opening and Fondue Party ~ Tuesday November 11th
Our first event brought new faces and friends to Community Chocolate. Lots of conversation and four types of chocolate fondue (with lots of fruit, marshmallows,pretzels and chips to dip into it) added to the sweetness of the evening.
There was sincere enjoyment in everyone meeting each other and an excitement about the next delicious event coming up on Tuesday November 18th.