This week at our Coaching Conversations & Chocolate gathering we reflected on questions about healthy boundaries and standards. Here are some of the questions and answers that the women in our community shared with each other.
Why is it important to enforce boundaries?
It’s all about respect. It takes self confidence and self esteem, and self respect to set healthy boundaries. The more we set boundaries the more self confidence we gain and the less we enforce our boundaries the worse we feel about ourself. The more we respect ourselves the more others respect us.
What happens when we don’t have strong boundaries?
- People may take advantage of our kindness
- We feel disempowered and invisible to others
- We feel a strong emotional reaction in us when we are around certain people
- We don’t feel we can say, “No” without upsetting people
- We feel there is not enough space in our life, we feel put upon
- We feel frustrated resentful
Why don’t we set clear boundaries all the time?
- Fear of rejection
- It can be scary
- The situation is not always clear
- We dont have the words
- They may think we are mean
Can we set clear boundaries and still be considered “kind”?
Yes! While there are many ways to set firm boundaries for family friends or relatives the underlying theme is that we want to be heard and we want to be able to let people know if their comment or criticism is inappropriate.
The catch is to use discernment. It’s important to know when you can be authentic and who you can trust to share your true feelings with verses who you need to be able to “sidestep or block” (See “What Akido and Setting Boundaries Have in Common“). This kind of judgment comes with practice.
Powerful answers! Thank you all for sharing with us.
What are your thoughts?
Connecting our community doesn’t just happen at Community Chocolate…we invite you to join the conversation online and be part of the community too!
Community Chocolate…connection is sweet.